TULSA-IsaBella Ingersoll is only two, but one day the Collinsville child will be reminded of her mothers’ guiding words, which are painted in bold pink letters that ring her girlie bedroom walls:
“Dream. Wish. Hope. Believe. Imagine. Achieve. Fly …”
Bella calls Liz Ingersoll, her birth mother, “Mom” and Liz’s wife Stephanie Ingersoll “Mama.” The trio of Ingersolls make a family, albeit an unconventional one.
Tulsan Brian Timms has his own unconventional family. The 37-year-old gay man is raising his two teenage sons, both born to Timms and his ex-wife. He and his ex-wife also have a 22-year-old son, who is a U.S. Marine fresh out of Afghanistan.
To explain the effect of gay or lesbian parents on children like IsaBella and Timms’ sons, Dr. Eric Nelson, a Tulsa clinical psychologist, said, “The research strongly shows that same-sex couples are just as effective in raising healthy, well-adjusted children as opposite-sex couples.” Nelson’s statement is echoed by Charlotte J. Patterson, who has been called “the world’s expert on psychological research on children and youths raised by lesbian and gay parents.” Patterson wrote in the American Psychological Association’s journal:
“In study after study, the offspring of lesbian and gay parents have been found to be at least as well adjusted overall as those of other parents.”
Asked to comment about gay and lesbian people raising children, Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern, an opponent of gay marriage and adoption, e-mailed this response:
“I am opposed to same sex couples raising children because children need both a mother and father in the home. Both sexes are necessary in order for a child, especially very young children, to learn how the two sexes are complementary and yet different.”
In Oklahoma, same-sex couples cannot adopt a child together, but a gay person can adopt a child on his or her own. In 2007, a lawsuit successfully challenged an amendment to the Oklahoma Adoption Code, which would have barred state officials from recognizing same-sex adoptions from other states or countries. Toby Jenkins, president of Oklahomans for Equality, offered his view on gay and lesbian parents. “When those people decide to have children, they have to spend more reflection time thinking about it than the average Oklahoman,” he said. “They have to financially prepare for it. They have to prepare their family for it. They have to go through intensive counseling, therapies and resources if they consider adopting, all to just show they are fit to be parents. “When you stop to think about it,” Jenkins continued, “that’s the way all children should come into the world.”
The couple’s 2004 nuptials aren’t legal, but meant enough for Stephanie to take Liz’s last name. Sitting at the couple’s dinner table with IsaBella, whose face was covered in spaghetti sauce, Stephanie Ingersoll summed up her own life’s goal: “I wanted this. Family.”
IsaBella was born to Liz Ingersoll via artificial insemination. When it came time to sign IsaBella’s birth certificate, her parents both wanted their names on it. Instead, that piece of paper ignored Stephanie Ingersoll’s parentage. But it couldn’t keep Bella from loving her. Stephanie Ingersoll, a stay-at-home mom, said, “There’s no way this child could love me more than she does.”
One day, Bella will realize her family isn’t like other children’s families, but Stephanie Ingersoll hopes it’s a gradual lesson. “We want to keep her exposed to families of same-sex families and families with different-sex parents, so it’s all normal,” Stephanie Ingersoll said. “That’s the whole thing, the kids themselves, they don’t think it’s not normal. “Hopefully it won’t be that big of an issue as she’s growing up. The world is changing every day.”
